so yeah. i figure maybe if i write this shit out like i used to maybe things wont be so bad. so since my last entry kier has passed away. police & coroner both say suicide & police claim to have found a note in her belongings that they took. personally i dont know the reason or care. as i go on i keep finding out more & more about kier that makes me wonder if i really knew her or not. come to find out she has been cheating on me since before we were married with more guys than i care to say. she was on drugs on & off again through our marriage even when she was pregnant. then to top it off she goes & kills herself in the bathtub when i am home & all the kids are around, only locking the door to protect us.
the first thing i did afterwords was pack up everything worth keeping & throw it in storage, move myself & the kids in with mom & get rid of any sort of life i had come to know. my children are now without a mother, leif wont ever know her let alone remember anything about her. the kids now bounce around between kier's parents & mom's house or on occasion with me.
one of kier's friends hollee who i enver really knew all that well sort of stepped up to try & help with the kids & getting me out of the house. come to find out she was basically taking acre of the kids when i was @ work because kier was either to high or sleeping to care. of course as time went by seeing her more & more & seeing the way the kids really were attached to her, i found myself being attached to her as well. i dont know if it was more of an attraction that i never would have known since i was married or more a longing for what i once had but i find myself in a weird place. my mom worries as she thinks it is too soon to be doing much of anything in regards to other women for the sake of the kids & probably myself as well. really to be honest i dont give a fuck.
now up to date with the situation today i fuckd up pretty good. hollee was upset as the house has gone to hell pretty quickly with the kids around more often. she has 2 of her own but they are older (8 & 5) & the younger of the 2 is only here on weekends. but since i have come around there can be between 1-5 kids here @ all times. the girls destroy everything they get their hands on, there is just too much trash/diapers/etc & the dishes are too much. she said she would like some help around the hpuse but i dont know really what she wants me to do. i do what i know, clean up after my kids, the dishes trash & such but i dont know what else she would like me to do, & when i asked i dodnt get an answer. so i watched he kids & mad sure everything was ok while she was upstairs (she said she was cleaning). come to find out she was pissed off that i wasnt doing anything & that i should have been cleaning, what i dont know.
when she went to go to sleep i offered to handle the laundry because we discovered some of the beding for the kids was dirty. she was insistant on doing it herself like i was incapable fo doing it. well when the dryer buzzed stuff was still wet so i restarted it about 11:30. here now @ 12am she came down and started moving shit around & when i explained i had restarted it because it was still wet she said 'i never heard the buzzer' like i was lying to her. i told her i could handle the clothes & to go to bed she then said 'NO it wont get done" like i am some sort of fucking idiot who cant do anything.
no wonder kier wanted to get away from me all the time. i apparently cant handle the basic things in life. i drive women fucking batty to the point where kier slept with any other man she could to get money to stay away from me or do drugs to deal with me when she had to. now hollee acts like she doesnt want me around.
i offer to take the kids out of the house & away since they cause so much trouble & she gets mad saying i am running away from the problem.
if i am as horrible as it seems i understand why no one wants to be with me. i dont want to be with me either. i rather the roles had been reversed & that i had died so my girls & son could @ least have their mother. statistically speaking kids turn out better with only a mother than they do with only a dad. probably because we cant do shit right. even when i thought i could do ONE thing right like turn on a dryer & move clothes apparently i cant even do that.
FUCKED up BULLSHIT.
about me
my name is todd if you have stumbled upon this website by pure chance please get out now & save yourself, otherwise it must be too late for you. i am now 25 (started this @ 18) live in vegas (no i don't have a permanent residence in any specific casino).
i love
akiera, coleigh & leif (the kids) of course goes top priority on this list, umm that is all for now.
i hate
stupid drivers & people who try to rule others life by how they act or feel about others, personally people who try to tell me whats best for myself. most of all i have unfaithful people who can't just fess up to their lies.